Well, for those of you not on Facebook or Instagram, I've got some big news to write about! We're expecting a baby in early May!!
Although this is of course thrilling to us, I want to acknowledge that it's bitter sweet news for many... as much as it breaks my heart to think about, some hearts will be aching as they hear this news thinking "another person having a baby... and I'm still not pregnant."
Our road to get pregnant was not easy, but compared to many who wait for years, it was a walk in the park. I feel blessed to say that we waited a little less than a year, and we received our hearts desire. Although we did need to seek medical help, it only had to go as far as two rounds of ovulation medication, and it happened. But let me tell you, that year of waiting was very painful! To be honest, that was the topic I was struggling with, but wasn't sure I wanted to blog about. I didn't want to be just another one of those "infertility bloggers" and I felt like it was really something that just God and I needed to work through together.
Waiting is not easy. (especially for me!) I don't deal with unknowns very well, which may sound ironic to those who know I love surprises! Every time a friend or acquaintance announced on Facebook they were having a baby, posted pregnancy "woes" or joys, or announced they had a baby, it really, really hurt! Although I was of course happy for these friends, I couldn't help but fall into the trap of thinking "when will it ever be MY turn??" and feeling sorry for myself for days.
I had started following a "style and hair" blog and felt so relieved to hear when she revealed that she too was waiting on God for a baby... but then was crushed (but of course happy for her!) to hear she unexpectedly became pregnant without even really trying. I stopped following her blog because it became too painful for me to hear about all the baby news and updates... but then one day decided to see "how she was doing"and came across pictures of her baby bump and it sent me into a downward spin. Even though I have never met this person, I felt a connection because of our shared struggle, but then felt so "hurt" that God gave her a baby... and left me waiting. Sounds so silly now when I'm writing it, but it was really hard at the time.
Even now, after having been through this year of waiting, I really don't understand God's timing, and feel like I don't have any answers for those who are waiting for a child... boy do I understand that verse about God's ways being higher than our ways! We have so many good friends who either have been or are going through this journey of waiting on the Lord for a baby. That's why I say that our news is not happy news for everyone. I know we have hurting friends, and I wish I knew why they are on the journey they are on and could give them all the answers... but I can't. I don't know why God has blessed us with a baby at this time after less than a year of praying and waiting, while friends who have been waiting and praying for years are STILL waiting. I did a lot of growing during those days when my heart was aching, but I still don't have any answers as to why God allowed me to become pregnant when He did...
So, this being said, I have decided to keep my Facebook page free of baby updates, and keep that strictly to this blog. I felt like every time I logged in to Facebook in my "waiting stage", the pregnancy updates/baby news was everywhere, and I couldn't avoid it (didn't want to block those friends or anything like that, and I still wanted to keep up with them). I don't want my friends to feel that way, so I'm only writing baby updates on here so that those who want to see them can, but those who don't can avoid them. It probably sounds kind of silly or extreme, but I just want to be as sensitive as I can.
Thanks for understanding :) Hope I'll be consistent with updates on here, but no guarantees!! More later... :)